


The Darkness before Dawn

by Wif



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bearded Steve Rogers, Beefy Bucky Barnes, Cabins, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kidnapping, Mating Bond, Miscommunication, Multi, Soulmates, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25315489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wif/pseuds/Wif
Summary: Tony´s life sucked. He was working a dead-end job with a pervy manager, had no friends or family and no aspirations left. If anybody asked him what could possibly be worse than the grey and boring life, he led he would have had no idea what to answer. But as one day a beta man in a black suit picked him up from work to have an important conversation Tony´s life turned for the worse.Unwillingly he had been selected to be part of a secret government program. His task: living with two of the most dangerous alphas in the world, keeping their company and most importantly: keeping them calm. But Tony had no plans to settle down with some alpha goons a face less government agency has picked for him. Thrust into a life he wanted nothing to do with he did everything in his power to escape and return to his normal life, that didn´t seem so undesirable all of a sudden.In which Tony is forced to live with Steve and Bucky, hating everything and everyone, while our favourite super soldiers just want to cuddle Tony and never let him leave. Angst, fluff and some smut.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 40
Kudos: 372





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning:   
> This story contains Elements of Stockholm Syndrome. There won´t be any relationship under duress, but Tony get´s kidnapped and is forced to live with his Kidnappers for a while. If this is trigger for you, please proceed with caution!

“Excuse me?“ Tony stifled a groan. Why was it always him people wanted to annoy? Several of his co-workers were around and yet no one seem to have any questions for them. Putting the box he was holding down, he gritted his teeth and then turned around, his best costumer service smile on his face. A man in his forties stood in front of him, smiling blandly. He was dressed in a boring black suit and had a five-dollar haircut. His beta scent was so mild, that Tony had trouble smelling it at all. “Good evening, sir. What can I help you with today?” Tony really tried his best to sound cheerful, but he had been working for seven hours straight and with the supermarket being as understaffed as it was, it looked like his shift was nowhere near over. 

“Good evening. I´m Agent Phil Coulson, with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. I would like to talk to you.” He showed Tony a badge. The logo looked official, but Tony had never seen it before. “Ahm… well I´m still working, so…” Tony trailed of, unsure of what to say. Had he done something? He couldn’t think of a thing. Maybe it had something to do with Howard? But he had been dead for almost two years, taking the only person Tony genuinely loved with him. What could he possibly have done that only came up now? “Then, I´d like to talk to your manager, please.” Coulson smiled. He seemed to have realised that Tony had no idea how to react. “Yes, of course, I´ll go and get him.” “There is no need for that, we will just come with you.” We? Tony looked behind Coulson and for the first time realised that there were two bodyguard typ alphas standing behind him, looking totally uninterested in their conversation. “Oh… okay. Follow me then, please.” Tony turned and tried to secretly wipe his sweaty palms on his khakis as he walked to his managers office. 

Maybe the word office was a bit too nice to describe the room Mister Jackson spent most of his time at work in. It was a small room without window that always smelled a bit like socks that had been worn for way to long. But that might have been just Mister Jacksons alpha scent. Tony had never seen him outside of this room. He even had his interview here, looking at the wall behind Mister Jackson at the poster of a naked omega lady rolling around in the sand at some beach with turquoise water in the background. Now, standing in the office yet again, Tony remembers how he had sat on the uncomfortable chair while being ogled at by Mister Jackson on the day of his interview. He remembered thinking that for this work at least he could keep his cloths on, unlike the omega in the picture. But now he kind of wished it were him, laying in the sand, far away from this office and all the alphas in this room and most off all, far away from what Mister Coulson wanted to talk with him about. 

He almost scoffed at the thought of him being an omega model. Sure, he was small, even for an omega and had nice brown eyes that he had got from his mama. But apart from that, there wasn´t much people complimented about him. He wasn´t dainty or cute. On a good day, his scent smelled like whiskey, like fire and smoke, with the fainted hint of motor oil. He had been told, that when he was unhappy or worried his scent turned to smell like iron, like blood. Not really something any alpha was looking for in an omega. He was talkative, that gained him no points, but he never seemed to be able to think of saying the right thing at the right time and always seemed to make a fool of himself whenever he opened his mouth. It wasn´t like he had many people to talk to anyway, no interested alphas, or at least none that he was interested in return. No friends and no family, not anymore. On top of that all came the burn scars littering his hands and arms. There were from a time when Howard still owned a workshop and repaired cars before he started to care for a bottle of Jack more than for his own family.

Mister Jackson did not look happy when Agent Coulson explained that they needed to take Tony with them for a conversation. For once Tony could agree with this sentiment. He had no interest in going anywhere but his only little apartment to sleep for a solid twelve hours. “Listen. I don´ care if the president himself send you here. His shift is not over. When it is you can take ´im an´ I don´ care what you wanna do with ´im. But right now, he needs to work. “ Tony’s eyes flickered to the half empty bottle of beer that stood at the edge of the table. It probably wasn´t his first today if the way he slurred was anything to go by. “I understand your concerns, Mister Jackson. But this is a matter of national security and I have no other option but to take Mister Stark with me. I am sorry for the inconvenience, but I am sure you can understand. “ Coulson didn´t seemed to be concerned by the obvious workplace alcoholism Mister Jackson was displaying. He pulled a card out of his suit pocket and pushed it across the table towards Mister Jackson. “If you have any complaints please do not hesitate to call this number.” He smiled again blandly and then turned towards Tony, who was still standing in the corner of the office trying to understand what the hell was going on. “Shall we?”, Coulson asked , gesturing towards the door. Tony looked to Mister Jackson, but he had already picked up the card and started dialling the number. “They can send me someone else to come work here.”, he muttered, the bottle in his hand again. Tony shrank in on himself. He realised that there was no one who could stop these strange men from taking him with him. He turned and walked out the door, feeling as though his feet weight ten pounds each. 

Their little group was already halfway through the supermarket when Tony realised that he still had to grab his stuff from his locker in the back. But when he told Coulson that he needed to go back, Coulson gestured him to give his key to one of the alpha goons. “He´ll bring your personal belongings.” “I would much rather go myself but thank you for the offer.” ,Tony said, the key already in his hand. “Wasn´t an offer.” The alpha on his right grabbed the key from Tony´s hand and turned around, seeming to already know where the locker room was. Tony gaped at his back, then turned to Coulson enraged. “Your man can´t just…” “I promise Agent Trucker is very capable, he will take good care of your belongings.”, Coulson interrupted. “We need to leave now. There is a car waiting for us.” He grabbed Tony´s arm, not hard enough to bruise but still making sure that Tony could not just wiggle his way out of the grip. Then he started pulling Tony towards the exit.

**********************

Coulson had lied. There was not just one car waiting for them. There were three black SUVs standing in front of the supermarket. Normally this kind of asshole behaviour would result in a least some honking and swearing from the other shoppers, but it seemed that the dozens of men dressed in black suits intimidated everybody enough to keep their displeasure with the situation to themselves. Tony remembered suddenly what Coulson had said in Mister Jacksons office. “A matter of national security”. He felt like he had been thrown in ice cold water. What the hell was going on? Why was he being transported somewhere he could not know about and what was so imported that there were so many agents from some supersecret agency to take him. 

Coulson pushed him into the car parked in the middle and closed the door behind him. For a few seconds it was totally quiet in the car. If Tony had not been so damn nervous, he had marvelled at the engineer that had been able to build a car that could completely shut out any noise. But than the door at the other side opened and Coulson slipped in to sit beside Tony on the backseat. For a few seconds none of them said anything. Then Coulson sighed and turned to face Tony. “ I can imagine that this is all very confusing for you. But you don´t have to worry. You haven´t done anything wrong. We just need to have an important conversation in private.” 

He smiled and Tony thought that he was aiming his words to be reassuringly but missed the mark completely. An important conversation? In private? What could the agent possibly want to talk about with an omega working at a supermarket. Tony had no friends or living family, so that ruled out the possibility that someone he knew could have done something. He tried desperately to think of any reason he had to be brought in for some kind of conversation but came up empty. Turning to the window he tried to calm his nerves. Coulson would talk to him about something and he would answer and then he would be free to go. No reason to panic. But as the convoy started to head towards an unknown destination Tony found that he could not calm his racing heart.

He tried to think of what his mother had taught him about calming down. Maria had suffered from anxiety as long as Tony could remember but she had always been the strongest person Tony knew. Growing up with poor parents she had thought that she scored big when she met Howard. By then he already had his workshop and was talking about expanding his company. As a child Tony had loved listening to stories about how Howard had been before he was born. But as he grew older Tony realised that the man Maria told him about did not exist anymore. Alcohol and anger had made Howard the man Tony got to known as he grew up. There was no trace of the bright-eyed entrepreneur Maria must have fallen in love with. The stories didn´t make Tony happy anymore. Instead he started to wonder what had happened that made Howard change so dramatically. When he had asked his mother, she had patted him on the head and told him not to worry about it.

But Tony couldn´t let it go so he went and asked his father. Big mistake. Howard had told him in no uncertain terms that Tony was his reason for changing. “I never wanted children, you know?”, he had slurred after he calmed down from shouting at Tony for daring to come into his workshop. “But than I got your mother pregnant and she wouldn´t abort, no matter how often I told her to. So now I got to deal with you. The only reason why I stayed is ´cause you are a boy. I can´t imagine havin´ a girl only to know they are probably going to turn into some omega pansy.” Tony never told his mama about Howards cruel words, but he never forgot. Howard was right though. Even if he didn´t wanted to have Tony at least he wasn´t an omega. At seventeen Tony had shown all the signs of being an alpha. He was mouthy, brash and didn´t care about getting his hands dirty. And even if he was a late bloomer and hadn´t presented yet Howard started to value him for the effort he put into helping in the workshop. 

The day Tony woke up sweating and nauseous had been the worst day of his live. Howard wouldn’t even look at him anymore. He wasn´t allowed to work, he wasn´t allowed to talk, he wasn´t allowed to do anything. Tony remembered one moment of all the shit that had happened after he had presented the most clearly. He had made his way to Howards workshop, determined to make everything go back to normal. “You little shit! How dare you come into here? This is my space! I don´t want your kind here! You were supposed to be an alpha like me! Or at least a beta. But you had to go and beat the odds again, hadn´t you. One out of a hundred boys presents as an omega, did you know that?” Tony had known that. It was one of the things he had told himself before his worst nightmare had come true. One of the things he had clung to before his life turned to shit. Girls were more likely to present as omegas, but it was still rare. A biological mistake, Howard called them. Tony was inclined to agree. After he had presented his life turned for the worst. If Howard had been cold and uninterested before he was now downright cruel. Taking it upon himself to teach Tony how to be a proper omega rather than to send him to a weekend class, he had started to beat Tony for the smallest fuck ups. And Tony had fucked up a lot. Maria had tried to protect Tony as much as she could, but Howards rage was omnipresent. After he had wrapped the two of them around a tree in a moment of drunken road rage Tony had only wept for his mama. Never for Howard.

The ride hadn´t been long so Tony´s nerves were nowhere near settled as the little convoy stopped in an underground parking garage. Before he even had the chance to reach for the door it was opened from the outside. More agents guarded their way as Coulson lead Tony up a stairway into what seemed to be the main building. The long floors of the building were full of important looking people in suits, busy alphas and betas talking on their phones and a few agents dressed in combat pants walking around looking important. Tony couldn´t help but feel ridiculous in his work mandated khakis with the ugly white button down that he hadn´t even ironed this morning, but nobody seemed to even realise he was there. He kept waiting for somebody to yell “Cut!” as if this all were just a big set up. Finally, after Tony had started to wonder if they were going in circles or if the building was really this big, Coulson stopped in front of an unassuming door. Pushing it open he smiled at Tony and gestured for him to enter first.

The room looked like every interrogation room Tony had ever seen on TV. Two uncomfortable chairs were placed on each side of a table that was bolted into the floor. Tony´s heart started to beat like crazy again. This didn´t look like a “We´ll just have a nice civil conversation” kind of room. No, it looked more like a “I suggest you confess now before it gets uncomfortable” kind of room. But before Ton had the chance to hightail the fuck out of there Coulson let the door fall shut with a quiet click. 

****************************

“First and foremost, I would like to apologize for the inconvenience. “ Tony was seated opposite to Coulson with his back to the door which he did not like at all. After Coulson had closed the door, he had offered Tony to take a seat but stopped him when he started to walk around the table. “Sorry, I always sit there and I´m a creature of habit.”, he had explained after shrugging awkwardly. After Tony had drowned the glass of water Coulson had offered him, he started to talk. “ I have to have this conversation from time to time and everybody reacts differently. Please just keep an open mind about what I am about to tell you. I would also like to remind you that we have you best interest in mind and that we try to make everything as easy as possible for you.” Oookay that did not sound ominous as fuck, no sir, not at all. Tony´s throat felt as though he had swallowed a sandstorm. He started to reach for his glass again only to realise that he had no water left. 

Coulson sighed and leaned back in his chair. “When you go in to register as an omega after presenting you are asked to leave a scent sample, do you remember that?” Ton nodded. He hadn´t thought much about it at the time, just let them swipe down his scent glands with a cool piece of cloth. “This sample is sent to a special government institution. They are tasked with cataloguing the scents should they be needed for further use. You have probably heard of this. They then chemically copy the scents and send them to different military organisations. There are many alphas in the armed forces that need a scent sample now and then to calm down after a trying mission. It has been proven time and again that the scent of an omega can calm down an alpha like no drugs can. This system works flawlessly for soldiers returning from battle or other types of officials. But it only works on those kinds of alphas because they experience stress periodically. They experience stress during their tours but when they return, they don´t need the scent support anymore. They return to their families and their friends and in most cases that is enough to balance their chemicals out again.” 

Tony had heard of the system. It was portrayed as an important patriotic thing, but Tony had always thought that it was a little weird. Some stranger was smelling his scent so they didn´t freak out? Yeah, definitely weird. But then again, nobody was harmed, so nobody really cared. The system worked and it was still way better than enraged alphas roaming the streets.

Coulson continued: “However, there are alphas that do not have the opportunity to return home to their loved ones because they have no one. These alphas are part of elite forces that work high risk jobs. They don´t get the luxury of returning home because they always have to be ready for the next battle. They are highly trained individuals that form close bonds with their teammates, but sometimes these bonds are not enough.” 

Tony though that that sounded awfully lonely. But then again Coulson had basically described Tony´s life, just without the life-or-death situations. However, now that Tony thought about it, working in customer-service could be a wild ride sometimes. Once a woman hat yelled at Tony for ten minutes because she couldn’t decide what type of cheese she wanted. There were just too many choices and it was obviously Tony´s fault since he was standing closest to her. 

“So, these alphas get the scent copies too, but for some of them they don´t work anymore after a while. Then we have to switch to a different method. This is where you come into play.” Tony frowned. What the hell was that suppose to mean? “Do you want me to give another scent sample, or…?”, he trailed of. “No, that wouldn´t make much of a difference.”, Coulson shook his head. He looked apprehensive, as if he knew what was about to happen, but also realised that he could do nothing to prevent it. “Before I go on, I would like to remind you again: This is a matter of national importance. It will probably shock you at first, but I urge you to remain calm and reasonable.” Well, who wouldn´t be calm and reasonable after this introduction? Tony shifted in his seat, desperate to hear what Coulson had to say but also kind of hoping someone would come through the door behind him and tell him that they had brought in the wrong person and that Tony was free to go.

“The alphas that cannot be helped by the scent copies alone are some of the most uniquely skilled people in this world. If they lose themselves to their rage, we all lose great assets for our safety and security. They need an alternative way to calm down. After years of experimentation we have found that a live-in omega usually brings the best results. Our alphas choose the scent sample they find the most pleasing and calming. After that we evaluate the omega the scent belongs to and build a personality portfolio. The alpha in questions takes a questionnaire to find out if they match personality wise and if they score a high compatibility, we bring in the omega. And this is why you are here.” Tony felt like the ground had opened from under him and he had fallen into a bottomless pit. “A life-in omega? What is that supposed to mean?”, he said tonelessly. “Well”, Coulson hesitated “the omega usually moves into the alphas home and lives there for an extended period time. You don´t have to work during that time, a pension will be provided for you by the government.” “And how long is this `extended period of time`?” 

“That depends on how long it takes the couple to mate.” “To what?! What the hell are you talking about?”, Tony jumped out of his seat. He felt dizzy, the blood was rushing to his feet in a fight-or-flight-response. “Please sit back down, Mister Stark. Let´s take about this. I´ll explain everything to you.”, Coulson tried to calm him down. But Tony has had enough. First, they picked him up in a convoy, drove them to some weird government facility he had never heard of and now that. “Listen, Agent, I don´t want to meet with any alphas, I don´t want to be there `life-in-omega`”, Tony gestured with his hands, hoping Coulson picked up his disdain at the word, “And I definitely don´t want to mate some strange alpha, thank you very much. This was a nice conversation, but I am not interested, so I´m leaving.” He turned to the door and pulled the handle, only to find it locked. He swung around to face Coulson again. He hadn´t even moved from his chair. 

“You misunderstand me, Mister Stark. The test came back with an incredibly high compatibility. Your alphas are in desperate need for you. We have the authority to keep you here for the time being.” “My alphas? As in plural? As in two or more knotheads?” Tony couldn´t believe it. “And since when does the government have the authority to kidnap people? Fuck you! You are probably lying anyway! This isn´t a government organisation, is it? What else is it that you do? Sell organs?” Tony stepped towards the table, hellbent on giving Coulson a piece of his mind. 

The fucker still sat in his seat as if he couldn’t care less about Tony´s anger. “Yes, plural. You were matched with two alphas. They have been bonded for several years and are in need of a third.” He opened a suitcase that had been standing underneath the table and pulled a file from it. “Here, that´s them.” He pushed two pictures over the table. A dark blonde man looked straight back at Tony. It was a portrait, but Tony could already guess from the width of his shoulders that he was massive. His hair was a little longer than was normal for a soldier, but it looked as well-kept as his beard. The alpha was looking blankly into the camera, his eyes betrayed no emotion. If Tony hadn´t been so angry he might even have thought that the alpha was good looking. But that didn´t matter now. With shaking hands, he pushed the picture aside to look at the second one. While the other man had been emotionless, Tony could see that this alpha was seething. He had dark brown hair that fell onto his shoulders. The first alpha had looked like he still gave a shit about his outwards appearance but this one… He looked halfway feral. 

At once Tony understood what Coulson had been talking about. But still: “So what? Am I supposed to be the punching bag for these to until they are calm enough again to go back to killing people for you? No way in hell!” “No, Mister Stark. Captain Rogers”, he pointed to the more or less civil looking one, “and Sergeant Barnes will never hurt you. They need the guidance and soft touch of an omega.” “Guidance and soft touch? I think you are confusing me with someone else. Look, how about we both just forget that this conversation happened, and I go back to my normal life and you go back to whatever the hell you were doing before you kidnapped me.” But while Tony was speaking, he saw that Coulson´s eyes flickered to something behind him. And when he felt a hand and a sharp pain at his neck, he realised that it had not been a something but rather a someone. 

The anaesthetic worked fast. At least they lowered him to the ground slowly instead of just letting him drop on his face. The last thing Tony saw before he passed out, was Coulson´s face, looking sympathetic and even a little sad. “Don´t worry, Mister Stark. You will see, it will all work out in the end.” Then nothing. 

********************

Tony woke up slowly. What the hell had happened last night? If he hadn´t been staying away from alcohol since the first time Howard had thrown a bottle at him, he might have thought that he was hung-over. Blinking owlishly, he tried to wake up fully. He lifted a hand to rub the sleep out of his eyes, or rather: he tried to lift his hands. They wouldn´t move. Something was holding his wrists. In one second Tony was wide awake. He didn´t recognise the room he was in. Frantically he tried to tug his hands free, only to realise a split second later that his ankles were bound to the bed as well. Looking around the room he tried desperately to gain control over the situation as his breath started to come quicker. But then: “Hey, hey, relax. You´re gonna hurt yourself.” A voice to his right. Tony´s head snapped around. While he didn´t know what the fuck was going on or where the hell he was he recognised the alpha that was walking quickly towards him with both hands raised. Captain Rogers looked worse than in the picture Coulson had showed him. His eyes were bloodshot, and the left side of his face was decorated with an ugly looking bruise. His hair looked like he had been pulling at it with his hands, hanging into his face. 

Tony flinched away from his hands that had come dangerously close to his face. Rogers pulled his hands back quickly and then smiled. “I´m sorry about the cuffs. We were scared that you would hurt yourself or try to run away. If you calm down, I can get the nurse to take them off.” “Where the hell am I? Where is Coulson?” Tony felt like there was not enough air in the room. He looked around while trying and failing to contain his rising panic. Rogers looked confused. “He is not here. He brought you here yesterday but then he went back to the HQ. Do you need anything from him?” Yesterday? How long had Tony been out? “Yes, get him here. I don´t want to do this. He has to come here and get me out!” Again, Tony tried to pull his hands free but he couldn´t. “Please calm down. I don´t want you to hurt yourself.” Rogers started to look a little frantic. Good, he was finally understanding that Tony didn´t want to be here. 

“Listen. If you get me out of here right now, I won´t tell anybody what happen, alright? I won´t press charges or anything! Just let me go and we can both forget about this!” If Tony could convince the alpha to let him go, this whole shitshow would be over in ten minutes. “Press charges? Against what? Tony, everything is fine. You don´t have to worry about a thing. We´ll take good care of you!” Rogers didn´t seem to understand Tony! If he would understand than he would surely let him go, right? Tony tried again: “This has been a huge misunderstanding, okay? I don´t want to be part of this program, I don´t want an alpha, let alone two. I am the furthest from an ideal mate. You don´t want me! I´m going to annoy the shit out of you. It won´t be calming at all!” But no amount of reasoning seemed to convince Rogers. He just smiled sadly. “No Tony, this hasn´t been a misunderstanding. You are the perfect mate for us. You are just a little confused because of the anaesthetics. Just give it a few moments. You´ll see, everything will be fine. Bucky and I will take good care of you.” Again, he walked towards Tony with a little smile. 

This couldn’t be happening. “Please, Rogers, I´m begging you! Get me out of here!” Tony kept tugging at the cuffs. Maybe they would just slip off if he tugged hard enough. Then he could skip out of the room and run back home. Or maybe this was all just a nightmare and in a few moments he would wake up to the sound of his alarm. But no amount of tugging seemed to help. Tony tried desperately to calm his frantically beating heart. But it wasn´t working. He couldn´t breathe, he couldn´t move, he couldn´t get away from this strange alpha, that was now grabbing his face. “Calm down, please. You are going to pass out again if you keep breathing like that!” But Tony couldn´t calm down. “No, no, please don´t do this to me! I don´t want this! Please get me out of here!” Tears began running down his face as he sobbed and gasped, trying to get air into his lungs. The whole room was spinning. Doubling his efforts, he tugged at the bonds with all his strength. But nothing was working. 

Rogers was saying something, but Tony couldn´t here him over the sound of blood rushing trough his ears. He needed to get out off here! He notices someone entering the room. Rogers said something to them, and when they didn´t leave, he started to get angry. But Tony didn´t care what was going on. He was sobbing and twisting, trying to get away from Rogers´s hands that where still holding his face. The alpha seemed to realise that his touch wasn´t helping and gently pulled his hands away. “I told them to go away. They won´t sedate you. Just try to calm down please! Slow breaths.” But Tony wasn´t listening to him. He continued tugging and twisting, like an animal in trap. And like a trapped animal he felt like he was about to die. 

He didn´t know how long he was crying and screaming. When his strength left him, he just laid on the bed, helpless and bound as tears were streaming down his face. He didn´t even have the energy to turn his head to look at Rogers, but Tony knew that he was still there. From time to time the panic would flare up again and Tony´s breath hitched in a desperate attempt to get him to try to escape again. But other then that he just laid there, thinking about what Howard had said about omegas. “Weak and pathetic. Can´t even think for themselves. Too dump to help themselves, totally helpless and useless without an alpha.” If only Howard could see him know. Tony felt exactly like the weak omega that Howard had always told him he was. That he had always tried not to be.

After some time, Tony had no idea how long he had been laying there, the door opened and someone entered the room. The person spoke quietly to Rogers for a few minutes. Then he raised his voice. “Hey Tony. I know you don´t feel like it now, but it is a pleasure and an honour to meet you. I´m Sergeant James Barnes but I would like for you to call me Bucky, okay? Me and Stevie, we´ll take good care of you. You´ll see, with some time, everything will be just fine.” Barnes sounded like he was trying to be cheerful, but he failed miserably. Tony couldn’t even muster the strength to laugh at this ridiculous introduction. He didn´t turn his head. He couldn´t bear to see the two of them, smiling and looking hopeful that Tony´s worst nightmare would someday have a happy ending.

***************************


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter features disordered eating. If this triggers you, please proceed with caution.  
> Also the trigger warning concerning the hints of Stockholm Syndrome is still valid.

When Coulson finally entered the room Tony was more alert, but still unwilling to accept the situation. The agent brought him some lunch since he had slept through breakfast and they even took of the bindings on his wrists, but Tony could barely eat. Rogers and Barnes (Tony refused to think of him as Bucky) sat silently and watch him eat, as if they had nothing better to do. Maybe they hadn´t. Maybe their job was just to side around and stare at people all day. When Tony stopped eating after having only finished have of his meal no one commented on it. Tony felt like there were stones sitting in his stomach and one more bite of the porridge, that under other circumstances might have even tasted good, would make him throw up.

“Just one more thing before you all can leave.”, Coulson speak up. His voice sounded weird and out of place in the strange atmosphere of the room. “You have to put on this bracelet. It allows us to know your location at any time. Should it be damaged or removed, it will automatically send a signal to the HQ. It will also release a loud warning noise.” Coulson must have noticed Tony´s incredulous look because he hurried to add: “ It´s just a precaution. We´ll take it off as soon as possible.” For once Tony didn´t fight as Coulson snapped the bracelet around his wrist. There was no chance of him winning against three trained agents. 

They made their way down to the garage. On the way Tony suddenly had a strange thought. Just 24 hours ago he had been on his way to work, annoyed that the bus taking him there was full of people and that there was no free seat. How different his life looked now. In the parking lot the alphas guided him to a black SUV, parked apart from the other vehicles. Barnes opened the door for him and gave Tony a little smile. Tony scoffed. Now he wanted to play the gentleman? Rolling his eyes, he climbed into the car. Barnes followed him, while Rogers sat behind the wheel. Seems like they didn´t even trust him to be able to sit by himself. Coulson tapped the roof of the car as a goodbye and Barnes nodded at him as Rogers started the car.

“We are going to our farmhouse.” Rogers voice seemed unreasonably loud in the quiet of the car. “It´s a cabin that we have had for a couple of years, just out of DC. It´s home.” He shrugged helplessly. Tony would have loved to reply, “Not my home”, but the words couldn´t seem make it way out of his throat. Seeming to notice that Tony wasn´t going to answer, Rogers continued. “We´ll stay there for the next couple of weeks. Bucky and I are both on leave at the moment so we´ll be there with you all the time, alright. You won´t be alone.” Was Rogers really this stupid? Did he really think Tony would rather have them keep his company than be alone? “Your belongings have been collected from your apartment and are being deposited at the cabin right now.”, Barnes interjected.  
“What? You people went trough my stuff?”, Tony interrupted. “Are you insane? You can´t do that!” Rogers opened his mouth, surely to give Tony some dumb reason why it was perfectly fine for them to just walk through his apartment, but Barnes was quicker. “Would you rather not have any of your stuff? No books, no toiletries, no clothes. I mean I´m sure you can pull anything of but the outfit you are wearing right now is not doing you any favours.” Tony would kill him. He would sneak up at him in the middle of the night and fucking murder that son of a bitch. But seeing as that were plans for the future Tony decided that some action was needed right now. The space in the car was limited but Tony still had enough room to pull back his arm and punch Barnes straight in the face. Tony was sure that Barnes hadn´t anticipated that reaction at all because he made no move to defend himself. Rather he was total shocked by Tony´s fist. His head snapped back with satisfying speed. “Don´t you dare make any comments on my appearance. Your creepy boss kidnapped me from my work. I didn´t ask for this! You hear me? I don´t want this.” Barnes had recovered quickly and rubbed his cheek. 

At least he had the decency to look apologetic. “Sorry. I didn´t think… I…”, he trailed of. Rogers intervened: “Look Tony, the guys just went to your apartment to get some of your things, so that your stay with us can be more comfortable. They didn´t snoop around or anything.” “More comfortable? How is going to having my clothes make this anymore comfortable? You think if I just have some of my things that would make all of this okay? That it would make me happy? You know what would really make me happy? If you would just drop me off at my fucking apartment, asshole!” Tony had raised his voice more and more until he was full on yelling. “You are fucking psychopaths, you now that, right?” “Don´t say that.” Tony turned to Barnes. He couldn’t believe his own ears. “What? Did I hurt your feelings? Well newsflash, I don´t give a fuck!” 

Barnes flinched as if Tony had hit him again. What was this guy´s problem? “Tony, calm down, please.”, Rogers tried to defuse the situation. But Tony wasn´t having it: “You should have realised by now that just telling me to calm down is not going to actually make it happen, right?” He looked back at Barnes who had turned his head and was now staring out the window as if the trees rushing by outside had any answers for him. “Fuck both of you. I hate you; I hope you realise that. And I will never stop, no matter what you do to me. Do you hear me? You can hit me or punish me or do anything. I will never stop trying to get away.” He met Rogers eyes in the mirror and held eye contact for a few seconds. Maybe now they would start to show their real colours. Maybe Rogers would pull over now and they would star beating him. They had been awfully patient with Tony´s rage. If Tony had ever acted that way around Howard, he would have surely killed him. Tony almost wanted them to start getting violent. At least he knew how to deal with that. He had dealt with Howard most of his life. But Rogers didn´t slow down the car. Instead he focused back on the road and stayed silent.

*********************************

The word cabin didn´t accurately describe the huge house that came into view after leaving the last trees behind. Situated in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by the forest it was a two-story building with a big veranda out front. With some sunshine and people hanging out in front of it, it might even have looked invitingly. But in the grey air of early december it looked more like the next location for a horror movie. Surrounded by trees which were catching the fog that hadn´t dissolved yet, the house stood lonely. The windows were dark and Tony had no interest whatsoever in staying in this house for the foreseeable future.

Rogers parked the car and Tony had the sudden urge to rip open the car door and just make a run for it. Even though he knew that he would be caught immediately the thought sparked a bit of hope inside of him. There were only a limited number of obstacles that he had to overcome. First and foremost, the ridiculous bracelet. Then he had to find his way out of this forest. The gigantic forest that was probably full of bears and other animals that all only had the goal to eat him. He sighed. One step after the other. Walking up to the house he tried to calm his nerves. Barnes and Rogers hadn´t been violent. Yet, his traitorous brain interjected. Tony didn´t plan on pushing them past their breaking point but then again, he had always known the best ways to annoy people. 

Rogers opened the door and stepped aside to allow Tony to enter. “Please leave your shoes by the door. Bucky and I will give a tour of the house and then we´ll have dinner together.” Tony toed of his shoes. While he would love nothing more than just to leave the cabin forever, he had to admit that the inside was warm and almost cosy. But then again, he hadn´t been wearing a jacket so everything was better than the near freezing temperatures outside. “So here is our kitchen, we always eat together but Bucky´s a much better cook than me so he does most of our cooking. Then we have the living room. We usually hang out here or at the small gym downstairs. If you wanna work out, we can get you some workout clothing.” 

Tony decided that Rogers didn´t deserve an answer. Rather he spun around to take the room in entirely. The room contained an open plan kitchen with some really expensive looking utensils. On the counter-top was a bowl full of apples and pears. It looked like a page out of a magazine bored housewives would read. In the centre of the room stood a big wooden table. Some books were littered on it, as if Rogers and Barnes had left in a hurry and didn´t have the time to put them away properly. Tony stepped closer and saw that most of the books were on art. They looked expensive and heavy, like the kind of books you would expect to be laying around an artist´s studio. In one of the corners, the one Rogers had revered to as the “living room”, even though it wasn´t separated form the rest of the room, stood two couches and a huge red armchair. Some of the walls of the room were hidden behind bookshelves while others were decorated with pieces of art. There were a few smaller charcoal pieces but also two huge framed paintings done in water colour. Tony had to admit that the room actually looked really invitingly. He could almost imagine himself curled up in the armchair, reading on of his books.

“Do you one to see your room now?” Right, his room. Where all of his things were. Because someone had broken into his house and had brought them here. Because had been kidnapped. The first signs of a better mood faded immediately. “I would love nothing more.” His voice dripped of sarcasm. Rogers pretended not to notice. He just smiled happily and turned around to start climbing up a staircase. Tony turned to Barnes. The man was just standing there watching Tony, he seemed happy to leave most of the talking to Rogers. “After you, doll”, he said, nodding towards the staircase. “Don´t call me that unless you want to get punched again.” Tony could have sworn that Barnes´ hand switched the tiniest bit as if he had supressed the urge to touch the bruise that was already forming high up on his cheek. He hadn´t even taken of his gloves. “Nah, one is enough, thank you. But it is kind of you to give me a matching one to Stevie’s.” Tony rolled his eyes and without responding started to walk up the stairs after Rogers.

The room was bigger than Tony´s apartment. His belongings had been packed into cardboard boxes which stood in the room looking a bit lost. Pushed against the wall was a twin sized bed. On the other wall stood a desk with an office chair. Apart from that and a wooden closet next to the door the room was empty. “We weren´t sure how you would like to decorate, so we decided to leave it up to you.”, Rogers explained. “If you need anything, just tell us. Or if you want anything. You don´t have to need in, in like a “can´t live without it” way. You can just want it. Then we´ll get it for you.” Rogers sounded more nervous than a fifteen-year-old trying to ask out his crush. “I think he gets it.”, Barnes intervened before Rogers could make more of a fool out of himself. “Right, yeah. I just wanted to be clear…” Rubbing his neck Rogers looked at Tony shyly. He started to open his mouth again, just to be interrupted by Barnes. “We´ll let you settle in, Tony. Just yell if you need anything.” With that he herded Rogers out of the room. Tony almost wanted to thank him.

After the door closes behind the alphas Tony stood in the middle of the room for a few minutes. What was he supposed to do now? Unpack his stuff? Wasn´t like accepting the situation? But was it really better to live out of boxes for the next days? Weeks or even month? Fuck, what if he had to stay here for months? Tony took a deep breath. One step after the other he reminded himself. He opened the box closest to him. His cloths lay there, carefully folded. On top lay his old hoodie. He had begged his mom to buy it when he spotted in the store. But she refused and kept on refusing no matter how often Tony asked. “It´s just to expensive, honey.”, she had said, while pushing Tony´s hair out of his eyes. And Tony had understood. After all he was already seventeen at the point, old enough to understand that Howard´s business hadn´t been running smoothly for years. But he still felt disappointed that he had to leave the hoodie behind. 

When he had opened his presents on Christmas morning and found the hoodie, he had felt the happiest he had felt in a long time. His mama had remembered. Even better, she had known how desperately Tony had wanted this hoodie. There had been nothing special about the hoodie per say. But for Tony it had been a physical reminder since that day that his mama loved him. After her death it was the only thing that could calm him down after a night full of nightmare. Tony had always known that his mother loved him. But the hoodie gave him something to hold onto. He slipped it on and climbed into the bed, fully clothed. He barely managed to pull the sheets over his face before he started sobbing. He was a grown man now, but he still missed his mama terribly. If only she were here now to hold him in her arms. When Barnes knocked on the door a few hours later to announce that dinner was ready, Tony had already cried himself to sleep. 

************************

When he woke up, Tony felt like death warmed over. Groaning he climbed out of bed only to almost fall over the boxes still standing in the middle of his room. The room, Tony reminded himself angrily, the room, not his. He didn´t want the room or the alphas that came along with it. Groaning he shuffled over the cloth box he had opened yesterday. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a new shirt and then looked around searching. He wanted nothing more than to immediately jump in the shower but first he had to find his shampoo. “We are a secret government agency, he said, we have highly skilled assets, he said. Why the fuck can´t they label the fucking boxes than, if they are so highly skilled?”, he grumbled. Fuck Coulson and his speech. In fact, fuck the whole lot of them. After digging trough have of the boxes, he finally found the one containing his toiletries. 

The adjoining bathroom was really nice, Tony could admit that. At least it was far nicer than his bathroom at home. But than again his bathroom had mould and cracked tiles so almost any bathroom was nicer. One look in the mirror confirmed to Tony that he didn´t only feel like shit, he looked like it too. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked like a ghost. A very sick ghost. After quickly scrubbing himself clean under the hot spray he put his clothes back and stepped back into the bedroom. What was he supposed to do now? He stilled and listened for any noises. It was still dark outside and a look on the clock by his bed confirmed that it was still really early. He heard nobody outside his door. Barnes and Rogers seemed to still be sleeping. 

He might as well use the time. Turning to the boxes he tried to figure out where to start. Probably best to start with the clothes, so they wouldn´t crinkle. Although Tony had no one to impress here, his mother´s words were still in his head. “Tony, sweetheart. You can´t make people like you for who you really are if they want to hate you for your orientation. But you can always throw them of their rhythm and not give them more opportunities to attack, so it is important to always look well put together.” Maria has always believed that being poor should not stop them from looking elegant. Her parents had come to America as Italian immigrants and had to woke hard to be accepted. Maria had learned since she was a little girl that first impressions last. She had the advantage of being a beta but as a woman she was still discriminated against. As a child Tony had often set in her lap listening to stories about how his grandparents had lived in Italy before the left. They didn´t have much money but from the stories could tell how much they loved each other. Maria always made sure that Tony felt that kind of love as well, but Howard liked to reminded Tony how much he didn´t like him whenever Maria wasn´t around.

After putting away all of his clothing he turned to the remaining boxes. Opening the one closest to him he found it was filled with his books. Before he had presented as an omega, he had dreamed of going to college and becoming an engineer. He had loved working in the garage with his father and he knew there was even more to learn. He had studied so much in hope of getting a scholarship since Howard had no interest in paying for him to go to college. But after presenting all his hopes had disappeared into thin air. While omegas were allowed to study, they were still pushed into fields like childcare and education. Tony could never see himself taking care of a bunch of five-year-olds, let alone teach them anything useful. 

Besides, Howard had made it very clear that he had different plans for Tony. “Do you really think I´m going to pay for you to study, only for you to stay at home for the rest of your life to take care of your alpha?” Tony had tried to explain that he didn´t plan on mating anytime soon and even if he did, he could never stay at home forever. But Howard wouldn´t listen. “I´m not going to waste any money on you. In fact, I´m going to make sure you pay me back for the damage you have done by being an omega.” “Pay you back? How am I supposed to do that?”, Tony had asked. “Are you for real? Has your brain left alongside your manhood? I´m going to get you a real alpha. Someone who is going to put you into your place. I´m going to train you, and then sell you for a nice dowry. I´ve already looked into a few places that do that kind of thing.” Tony had felt like the ground had been pulled from under him. “You can´t do that!”, he had protested. But Howard had only laughed. 

From that day on he had started to “train” Tony. He had bought an old “Omega Education Book” and started to follow it religiously. First came the obedience lessons: don´t speak unless spoken to, lower your eyes, obey mindlessly. Nobody should have been surprised that Tony sucked at everything. He was to loud, to opinionated, to unlike a traditional omega to follow even the simplest of tasks. Especially since Howard seemed hellbent on transforming in the perfect 1950´s house-omega. Tony´s inability to follow orders led to punishments, a lot of punishment. Howard particularly liked the belt, but he made do with what ever was closest to him. He was really creative that way.

“Tony? You up? Steve made breakfast.” Barnes´ loid voice ripped Tony out of the dark place his mind had wandered to. When Tony didn´t immediately answered, Barnes knocked again, louder this time. “Tony? You hear me? Come on out and have breakfast with us. Steve makes really mean pancakes.” Tony sat in between the boxes with bated breath, waiting for Barnes to barge in. But he didn´t. Instead he knocked again and then he just... left? What the hell? Tony stared at the door as if it had any answers for him. Then he shook himself and went back to unpacking the boxes. Better not question anything. Who knows? Maybe they will leave him alone forever and Tony can just stay here, alone surrounded by his boxes. But only a few moments later there was another knock. “Tony? Good morning.” This time it was Rogers. “I made pancakes. It´s the only thing I can cook. But they are pretty good. Why don´t you come down and have some.” Again, Tony kept quiet. Why weren´t they coming in? The door wasn´t locked. As if Rogers had heard Tony´s thoughts he added: “We aren´t going to come in until you allow us. The room is yours. But please come down and eat something. You didn´t have dinner last night.” 

Tony was hungry. But he had been hungry before. Howard had loved withholding food as a punishment. He could deal with hunger if it meant not having to see the alphas. So, he decided to stay silent. He still heard Rogers standing in front of the door but after a few minutes he gave up an went back downstairs. A little laugh bubbled out of Tony´s throat. He had done it. He had given the alphas a taste of their own medicine. Now, they wanted something they could not have. Of course, they could always come into the room without permission, but they had given themselves a stupid and unnecessary obstacle. And Tony had forced them to retreat. Never had an empty stomach ever felt this good. 

Tony curled in on himself, trying to calm down his hurting stomach. The morning had passed quickly. Tony had taken his time filling the shelves with his possessions. When lunch rolled around Barnes had tried to lure him out of the room with the promise of pasta, but Tony had yet again refused to answer. Instead he had read trough his books and organised them by height. And then by colour. And when there was nothing else to do but curl up under his sheets, he had done that. That was where he was now. Lying with his face turned toward the window looking at the tree that moved in the wind. While he was still debating if he should just give up and go downstairs when one of the alphas came to tell him that dinner was ready, he heard footsteps. Groaning he heaved himself in an upright position. “Hey Tony.”, Rogers sounded about as bad as Tony felt. “I´ll leave some dinner for you by the door. We get that you don´t want to see us right now but please it something, alright.” Tony frowned. Was that a joke? They had just given up? Accepted his refusal and didn´t try to “teach him a lesson”? Tony tiptoed over to the door and pulled it open the smallest bit. Right in front of the door sat a bowl full of steaming hot soup, potato if Tony´s nose didn´t trick him. Hastily he grabbed the bowl and closed the door as quickly as possible.

After having eaten the entire bowl Tony realised two things. First Barnes was in fact an exceptionally good cook, which was surprising since Howard had refused to even make himself a sandwich. And second, his plan of just staying in the room and never going out was stupid. Even if Barnes kept delivering meals to his door (and Tony doubted that they would respect the closed door and the silence much longer) being scooped up in his room, didn´t help his escape plans at all. He needed to get to know the surrounding area. He needed to find out in which direction the nearest city was. But first of all, Tony had to test the bracelet. It was a thought that Tony had suddenly had when he had been unpacking his books. What if the bracelet was fake? What if they just wanted to intimidate him? And even if it wasn´t fake, he had to find out what would happen if it activated. So, with a pleasantly full stomach he started to plan.

**********************

It was a few minutes after midnight when Tony opened his door for the second time that day. He had put on several of his sweaters to keep warm on the run should the bracelet really be fake. Tony had spent the last few hours examining it but without the proper tools there was no telling if the bracelet contained a tracker or not. But the chance that it was just for intimidation weren´t zero and Tony didn´t want to take any chances. He had sat in front of the door with his ear pressed against it to hear when Barnes and Rogers went to bed. Both of them had stopped in front of Tony´s door to say good night but they didn´t seem to suspect anything. 

The house was quiet as Tony made his way downstairs and toward the front door. He bumped into a chair on his way to the shoe rack and froze like a deer in headlights but the alphas didn´t wake up. Then he was ready. Standing in front of the door, sweating under his four layers of sweaters he tried to calm his nerves. Then he pulled open the door and stepped outside.

The noise was deafening. For a split-second Tony thought that an ambulance siren must have appeared right beside his head and was now trying to rip his eardrums. Then he realised that one, the bracelet was in fact not fake, and that two, the alphas were now definitely awake and probably furious. That thought was what ultimately unlocked his legs and got him sprinting down the wet grass. Over the ear-splitting alarm he didn´t even here the alpha until he tackled him. Suddenly Tony was flying through the air and had no time to brace himself for impact. But somehow Barnes had been able to twist them around in the air so that Tony landed on top of him while Barnes´ back slammed into the frozen ground. Pushing up from where his face had been squeezed not Barnes chest Tony found himself only a few inches away from the alpha´s face. For a few seconds he lay frozen watching Barnes´ face. He seemed to be struggling to breath. Hitting the ground must have pushed to air out of his lungs, leaving him gasping for air. But as soon as Tony realised that Barnes wouldn´t be able to follow him anymore if he ran now he was ripped from his grip by a wild looking Rogers. He grabbed Tony´s wrist and held a small remote to it, which stopped the alarm. 

Rogers´ grip didn´t budge for one second as he pulled Tony back to the house. Barnes trailed quietly behind them. Tony didn´t dare to resist. He had prepared for this possibility, he reminded himself. The alphas couldn´t do anything to him that he hadn´t already survived with Howard. Of course Tony wasn´t keen on being punished but he was strong. He could deal with anything the alphas threw at him. Still, being pulled back to the goddamn house he felt himself starting to shake. 

Barnes closed the door quietly. Tony would have preferred if he had slammed it shut. At least that way he would have released some of his anger already. “I´m going to call SHIELD to let them know that they don´t need to come.”; Rogers said, already making his way through the room. So, the punishment was up to Barnes then. Tony turned to face him and proudly pushed his chin forward. Barnes was shirtless and for the first time Tony realised that his entire left arm was made out metal. Whatever had caused Barnes to lose his arm had left deep and painful looking scars that spread to his collarbone. Since Barnes had been able to move the arm like his flesh-and-blood one, Tony speculated that the prothesis was wired into his central nerve system. His fingers itched with the sudden urge to get his hand on it. The pyjama pants Barnes was wearing were printed with a disturbing amount of little, brown teddy bears. Barnes followed Tony´s look and sighed. “They were a present, alright?” “The nicest thing you can do when you are gifted clothes is to wear them at least once.”, Tony said. The situation was already strange enough, why not throw his mothers wisdom in the mix. Barnes sighed again and nodded towards the couches. “C´mon, let´s sit.” Numbly Tony followed him, while shrugging of three of the four sweaters. 

If Tony hadn´t been still scared of being punished, the situation might even have been funny. Barnes set down opposite of Tony and Tony started to have the feeling that they were on a fucked-up version of a first date. Barnes cleared his throat. “I´m not going to ask you why you ran away. We all know why. I can imagine that this situation is hard for you.” “I really don´t think you can.”, Tony interrupted. Barnes nodded. “No, I can´t. But you have to understand that the system is important. The alphas on the force have to be kept stable. We can´t have crazy alphas running around, wreaking havoc. And unfortunately, the world needs alphas like me and Steve. What we do is ugly and brutal and horrible, but it is also necessary. There are bad people in the world, and we have to make sure they don´t get too strong.” “Sounds like an oversimplification to me.” Barnes nodded: “In some ways it is. We created a lot of enemies ourselves. Doesn´t mean they aren´t there.” He rubbed a hand over his face, suddenly looking incredibly old. “I don´t want burden you with my past, but you have to understand what is on the line here. The people we are fighting against are worse than we are. I can´t tell you much but believe me when I say that their world view is fucked up.” “Do they believe that omegas are property that can just be pushed around? Because newsflash, so do your people.” “I´m not saying that we are perfect. But at least we realise that a few of the things we do are necessary but wrong. They just believe that their world view is correct and perfect.” 

Tony frowned. “That makes no sense at all. You are saying that you are the good guys because you do bad things while knowing that they are bad. They, whoever the fuck they are, do bad things while believing that they are doing good things. Sounds like two sides of the same medal to me. The only difference is that they are sticking to their principles. You just say that you are the good guys while having nothing to show for it. Sounds like hypocrisy to me.” Barnes closed his eyes. “You don’t know what you are talking about. The things they do…” “Enlighten me then. What do they do? Do they kidnap people and imprison them without any legal basis?” Barnes´ clenched his fists. “Tony, please…” “What, can´t stand the truth?” Barnes started to look strangely shaken. “Just, please… Give us a chance. With time you will understand.” “I don´t think I will.” Before Barnes could reply Rogers re-entered the room. “I could convince SHILED not to send a STRIKE team. Took some persuasion but at least we don´t have to deal with them now.” He sat down next to Barnes. “Are you alright, Tony?” “Peachy. Your kidnapping partner just tried to explain to me that it is alright if you kidnap people because you know it´s wrong. The bad men are bad because they think they are good while kidnapping people. But that´s to much mental gymnastic for my small omega brain, so I´m going to go to sleep now.” With that he stood and made his way to the stairs, leaving the alphas behind. With every step he expected something to hit him in the back, but it never came. When he collapsed in his bed, he bit his lip until he tasted blood. But he didn´t cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Concerning the trigger warning for disordered eating: Tony is refusing to leave his room and goes hungry as a consequence. He does not stop eating to influence his weight.
> 
> Thank you for your comments, kudos and interest in this story! I´m currently studying for my exams and writing this story make me feel like my procastination is at least somewhat productive.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trigger warning from chapter one is still applicable. Also be aware that Bucky´s past is discussed in this chapter. Y´all already know what happened to him but please still proceed with caution.

It almost felt like a déjà vu when Barnes knocked on Tony´s door the next morning. “Good Morning, Tony. Steve made breakfast again, please come downstairs and eat with us, alright?” Tony had been up since 6 am. After the night he had, he had thought that he would sleep until noon, but apparently his body felt too stressed and unsafe to consider sleeping longer than six hours. Making his way towards the door, Tony steeled his nerves. He had decided yesterday that he would eat with the alphas and then try to get to know the area. Still, the thought of actually having a conversation with the alphas that lasted longer than five minutes made him uncomfortable. Pulling the door open he realised that Barnes had still been standing right in front of it. “Oh, sorry. I thought you wouldn´t…”, Barnes trailed of, looking weirdly nervous. Tony didn´t answer. Instead he just pointly stared at Barnes and waited for him to step out of the way. Barnes seemed to get what Tony was waiting for. Rubbing his neck, he stepped back and smiled at Tony before turning and walking towards the hallway. 

Following Barnes downstairs Tony thought about how he could possibly convince the alphas to let him out. Even if his plan hadn´t been to scoop out the surrounding area he could already feel himself going crazy after being cooped up in the house for to long. Tony had always been a city kid, being raised in New York and then moving to DC after his parents death. But somehow, he had always found nature to be relaxing. Probably it was just a connection made by his brain, a way to be away from Howard plus the quietness of nature. In New York he had often visited Central Park and had walked around for hours, often wishing to be completely alone in the wilderness. It was a sick irony that that childhood dream was now coming true while everything else went to shit.

The kitchen smelled heavenly. Rogers had made pancakes but there were also scrambled eggs, bacons and all kinds of food cut up in a giant bowl. He looks up when Tony entered the kitchen alongside Barnes and he obviously hadn´t thought that Tony would come down either. His face lit up and he took a step forward as if moving to hug Tony. Tony quickly sat down, there was no way that he would be able to touch Rogers without giving into the urge to punch him. Rogers didn´t seem to be put off. Rather he continued smiling and started to offer Tony all the food he had made. “Good Morning, Tony! How did you sleep? I made pancakes but if you don´t like them, we also have all kinds of other stuff. Feel free to dig in.” Choosing not to answer, Tony grabbed the plate filled with pancakes and started eating without waiting for the alphas to take a seat. In his periphery he saw Barnes shrugging at Rogers before also sitting down. 

As he continued to eat in silence, Tony pondered on how he was going to convince the kidnappers on letting him out. It was obvious that they wanted Tony to act as if he was comfortable with his situation, but that wasn´t something Tony thought he was able to play convincingly. And even if he were able to force himself to act as if he liked them the alphas didn´t seem like they would accept anything but the real deal. Perhaps he could start by offering them something smaller, something that he could give them without feeling like he was going to throw up. However, he kept coming up short. He just couldn´t think of anything that he could do. Just thinking about touching, let alone cuddling them made him feel like his throat was closing up. Swallowing around the ball in his throat he tried to think of something different but the silent room wasn´t really good at distracting him from his thought. Barnes and Rogers kept exchanging looks when they thought that Tony wasn´t looking. Jokes on them, Tony had a lifetime of experience of picking up on the most subtle clues. In his childhood home he had quickly learned that if he wanted to avoid his father´s rage as much as possible he had to be hyperaware of even the most minuscule mode changes. Howard had often seemed calm and collected on the outside until something or someone had made his rage break free. More often then not the someone had been Tony. So, Tony had learned how to be aware of everything that was going on. It was exhausting, honestly, but now Tony was glad that he had this skill. 

Barnes and Rogers didn´t speak at all during breakfast and Tony had no intention on breaking the silence. Still it was a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere and Tony was glad when they all had eaten, and the alphas started to clear the table. Not knowing what to do and with little interest in helping Tony wandered to the armchair in the living room. It was pushed into a corner and turned a bit to the window. It was only in this moment that Ton realised that the outside world was white. Thick snowflakes were floating down towards the ground that was already covered in a heavy layer. The snow was so bright that Tony had to squint. His feet carried him to the window almost without Tony´s order. The trees were coated in snow along with everything else. It must have started to snow shortly after Tony´s failed escape attempt. Not that Tony was surprised, it had been ice-cold last night and the frosty air had bit him even through his many layers. He was however confused that he hadn´t noticed the snow from the window of his room. Sitting down in the armchair he vowed to be more aware of his surroundings. While he thought that his tunnel vision was understandably, he had to collect as many information as possible if his next attempt was to be successful. So close to the window he felt the cold air on his unclothed arms and he pulled his legs to himself in an attempt to keep warm.

Tony didn´t know how long he had been staring out into the whirling snow. He had seen snow before, in fact as long as he could remember there had always been at least a few weeks of snow while he had lived in New York. But while the falling snow had looked just as beautiful back then, as soon as it hit the ground, the delicate flakes had been turned into a grey slush under the feet of thousands of busy New Yorkers. Here the snowflakes rested upon each other loosely and shone in the most brilliant white. The wind blew the snow from side to side, forming small hills before making them vanish again. It was quiet and peaceful and after a while Tony felt his stressed muscles relax. 

That was, at least, until Rogers stepped into the living room. Tony didn´t turn his head as the alpha entered and silently sat down on the couch but he was completely aware of him. For a few minutes neither if them said anything and Tony continued to watch the snow fall down slowly. Then Rogers cleared his throat. “So, Tony, last night was … eventful, to say the least.” Tony scoffed. Eventful? Sure, that was one way to describe his attempted escape. A slightly insulting and downplaying way, but still. “We can only imagine how difficult this is for you and we want to help you as best as we can. So, if you want anything please just ask us. We´ll do our best to give you anything that is possible.” Tony tore his eyes away from the window. Rogers sat on the couch looking expectantly, seemingly eager to hear Tony voice his wishes. Tony sighed. He knew that the thing he wanted more than anything was not something either of the alphas were willing to give him. But he had one other thing that he wanted. “I want to go out.”, he said, jutting his chin forward. Rogers looked surprised, as if he hadn´t expected Tony to speak. “Sure, yeah, we can do that. Bucky and I know the area pretty well, so we know which paths are safe even with all this snow. If you want, we can go out right now. You don´t have a warm coat, right? I´ll get you one real quick. You can go ahead and put your shoes on already.” 

Before Tony could even answer, Rogers stood up and quickly left the room. Shaking his head, Tony untangled his legs. Rogers was hands down one of the most un-alpha-like alpha Tony had ever met. While Barnes was calm and collected, he still exuded the self-assured aura most alphas carried. It wasn´t as overbearing as it was with most other alphas, but it was still noticeable. Rogers didn´t have this aura at all. On the contrary, he always seemed like he was trying desperately to please Tony. He always seemed unsure of what to say and what to do. If his alpha scent hadn´t been so noticeable, Tony might have confused him as an omega, just based of his behaviour. It was strange, but not as unsettling as Tony would have thought. All in all, an alpha acting like an omega looking for endless ways to please their mate was one of the least disturbing things going on here. 

Stretching Tony stood up from his hunched over position in the armchair and walked across the room to the shoe rack. He barely had time to put on his shoes before Rogers jogged back into the room. “Here you can try this one on. If you don´t like it or it doesn´t fit or something, I also brought this one. There are also more coats upstairs if you want more choices.” Rogers was holding a thick brown coat in on outstretched hand towards Tony. In his other hand he had a bright red coat. Normally Ton would have preferred the red coat, however if the jacket were to be his, he had to pick something that wouldn´t be a huge target, should he manage to escape. Meanwhile Barnes had wandered into the hallway, looking as amused with Rogers antics as Tony felt. Grabbing the jacket, Tony turned towards the door. “Well? Ready to go?”

When Rogers had accepted Tony request to go for a walk, Tony had thought that it would only be him and Rogers. However, Barnes also seemed to have felt the need for some cold, fresh air and had joined them on their walk through the forest. It was the most fucked-up version of a Sunday afternoon walk with the family. Not that Tony´s family had been one to go on walks together. The snowfall had let up and the air was crystal clear. Their breaths were hanging in front of their faces and the forest was so beautiful under the white snow that Tony almost forgot that this walk had a purpose. Ripping his eyes away from the branches bending underneath the weight of the snow he tried to take in as much of the environment as he could. He had to find out which way the nearest city was and how far it was till there. But he couldn´t just ask, otherwise the alphas would surely get what he was planning. But while he was still trying to figure out a way to start a conversation Barnes started to speak. 

“I´m really sorry for tackling you like that yesterday. I hope I didn´t hurt you much. I really tried to be careful, but it can be difficult for me sometime.” Tony turned to face him.  
“What it difficult for you?”  
Barnes exchanged a look with Rogers, who nodded.  
“Tony, we haven´t told you everything about us.”  
“I´d argue that you haven´t told me anything about you, but sure, that’s one way to phrase it.”  
Rogers sighed. “You are right Tony, and we are sorry. We thought… well it doesn´t matter now. We´ll tell you everything you need to know.” He fell silent. Tony raised an eyebrow. “You know, when people say they want to tell you something, they usually talk.” “I know, I know… I just don´t know where to start.”, Rogers said, shrugging helplessly. “I´m gonna throw you a real curveball here and suggest you start at the beginning.” Tony had no patience for this kind of mysterious behaviour. 

Lucky for Rogers, Barnes took over. “Normally the omegas for the programme aren´t brought in as abruptly as you were. The alphas contact the chosen omegas and establish a relationship outside of the organisation. They go on dates and stuff like that… they get to know each other, you know. That helps the omegas accept that they have been chosen. And after a few weeks they move into the alpha´s home. But by then most of them like their alpha, or at least have the desire to help. In your case that wasn´t possible.” He paused.  
“Why wasn´t it possible `in my case`? Don´t stop now. Tell me why I´m so special.” Tony ordered, feeling annoyed that he had to push the alpha to reveal the really important information.

Rogers took over. “What Bucky is trying to tell you, is that we both needed you to come in immediately. We were both in a very bad place.” “Steve-“ Barnes interrupted. “No, Buck, it´s true. Just because it was worse for you, doesn´t mean that it was easy for me.” He turned to Tony: “Listen, Tony, before I say, what I´m about to say, I just need to remind you, that you can´t talk to anybody about this. Please, it´s very important.” Tony nodded. Somehow this didn´t seem like the moment to argue. Not when the alphas were about to finally tell him something. 

Rogers continued: “ You have probably wondered how Bucky lost his arm. Bucky told me that he talked to you a bit about the kind of work we do, and the people we face. We mostly have missions in which we deal with different terror organisations, some more dangerous than others. Over the last few years there has been a lot of movement in the groups, new players appeared and new groups were formed. We were unsure how all of this was connected and we tried desperately to find any kind of clue. Unfortunately, this made us hasty and careless. We had a mission in northern Italy. It was supposed to be easy, in and out quickly. But we underestimated our enemy. I was stupid and didn´t take enough precaution and Bucky paid the prize for it. They captured him. And after a few months of radio silence, SHIELD declared him KIA.”

Barnes reached for Rogers´ hand and squeezed it. “I´m fine now, Stevie, I´m here.” Rogers nodded. The story seemed to bring up a lot of memories. Barnes cleared his throat. “ I was their prisoner for a long time. During the first month I clung to my training. You are only supposed to tell them certain things when questioned. You are supposed to retreat into your mind when you are tortured. But after a while, when it became clear, that I wasn´t going to tell them much useful information, they grew impatient and started to look for other ways to make cooperative. They had this machine…” He stopped, unable to continue. 

“The important thing is that we got Bucky out.”, Rogers continued. “But… he had been held captive for several months. He was severely injured and the psychological damage…” Rogers shrugged helplessly. Barnes smiled but his eyes remained sad. “I was unhinged. They brainwashed me, made me believe things that had never happened, made me forget things. In the end I was so broken that I couldn´t even remember my one name.” He trailed off. Tony swallowed hard. He wasn´t sure why but he believed the alphas. Something about the way they talked made him trust their story. “So, how did you get out?”, he asked Barnes. “I got out because Stevie here is a crazy son of a bitch. As he said, after a few months SHIELD gave up on bringing me back alive. The search and rescue missions were too expensive and I wasn´t valuable enough. Steve couldn´t accept that. So, he went AWOL. Started looking for me on his own. He searched for weeks on end. And eventually he found me. And saved me.” The look Barnes gave Rogers could only be described as besotten.

As he turned back to Tony his face grew serious once again. “But the months in captivity had left a mark. Before I was taken, I had been surrounded by omegas fairly regularly. I didn´t need any kind of special support, I had Stevie and occasionally we took a third for a night. It was enough for both of us. But after I hadn´t been around omegas for such a long time my hormones were fucked up. And since I had forgotten how to act like a normal human being let alone an alpha, I wasn´t safe to be around omegas in the beginning. Stevie helped, plus I got tons of scent samples. Also, a shit ton of therapy. But in the end, it became clear that I needed to be around an omega full time. While the therapy and all kinds of other treatments helped a lot, I just needed the extra kind of support only an omega could offer. Also, in the time I had been healing Steve had been getting worse.”

Rogers answered Tony´s questioning look with a shrug. “After months of looking for him, I finally had him back. But it wasn´t what I imagined it would be like. Like, I knew it would be hard, but I hadn´t realised how exhausting it would be.” He turned to Barnes, looking apologetically. Barnes huffed:” I ain´t blaming you. If you would have attacked me half as many times as I attacked you, I would have given up on you.” “That’s not true and you know it.”, Rogers smiled.

“Point is we were both fucked up. And normal therapy just wasn´t cutting it. When SHIELD first suggested a support omega, we flat out rejected the ideas. To be totally honest we probably rejected them at least a dozen times. But we weren’t getting better. On the contrary, we were getting worse. Unpredictable, aggressive… So, eventually we caved. Agent Coulson had us try hundreds of scent samples. It was even more difficult for us because we both had to agree to one omega. So, by the time we decided on you, it was incredibly urgent.” Barnes looked at Tony, as if this were all he had to say. As if now, everything was clear.  
“And now it´s not anymore? Because from what you tell me, it sounds like you where on the brink of mass murder.”  
Rogers shrugged. “It´s better than before, that´s for sure. Just having you around, you and your scent, helps a lot. It would help more, if you were happy but we understand that this is a trying situation for you. We aren´t spiralling for now and that is all we could hope for.”

For the rest of the walk Tony pondered on their conversation. On the one hand at least now, he had some insight on why everything that had happened to him happened the way it had. But on the other hand, he still had so many questions left. But it seemed like Barnes and Rogers were at least willing to explain everything to him, even when they were still not understanding their wrong doings at all. For now there were so many thoughts swirling through his head that he could hardly even sort them trough. Lifting his head he let the sunbeams that filtered trough the trees hit his face. It was freezing out, he couldn´t even feel his nose anymore. And he still had no mental map of his surroundings even though they had been hiking through the forest for at least an hour. Still, when Rogers suggested turning back, Tony was almost a little sad. He had enjoyed the crisps, clean air, and the sound of snow underneath his boots. Barnes seemed to have noticed his disappointed look. “We can go out as often as you want. Just say the word. Steve and I are out here almost every single day, we run in the mornings and then when we have the time, we go on longer hikes. In the summer we can show you the lake, you´ll love it. The water is crystal clear, you can see down to the ground while you are swimming.”

For one moment Tony imagined himself jumping in the lake Barnes had described. He wasn´t the biggest fan of swimming but in his mind the lake, surrounded by trees and with a little dock leading into the water, was just inviting him to have a great time. Then his mind caught up with was Barnes had said. In the summer… that was more than half a year from now. They really expected him to stick around that long. Rogers had realized Barnes´ mistake and opened his mouth to give some bullshit apology but Tony wasn´t interested in hearing it. “I´m tired, let´s head back.”, he said, quickening his steps. The alphas strolled behind him. When the house came into view, he had almost managed to calm his racing heart, but he didn´t stick around when Barnes asked him if he wanted to stay with them in the living room. 

Instead he headed up to his room. Closing the door he leaned against it. The room looked a little more lived in now, although Tony had only stayed here for such a short amount of time. Sighing he walked over to his bookshelf, pulling out one of his many textbooks on engineering. When Howard hadn´t allowed him to go to university, Tony had almost given up. What use was studying if he could never get a formal degree, if he could never work in the field of his choice. But his stubbornness kept him going. Staying up late he had made his way through several hundred pages of information. He knew it wasn´t the same as studying with an expert, as being able to experiment and experience the examples in his books first-hand. But at least he was doing something. At least he wasn´t the passive, helpless little omega his father wanted him to be. Sitting down on his bed he opened his current chapter. The last time he had opened this book he had been sitting in his cold little apartment worrying about getting enough money for rent. Now, sitting here, warm and fed, he felt guilty for not missing his flat as much as he probably should. 

As they were eaten breakfast on the following day, Tony kept glancing towards the door. He wanted to get out again. His attempt to get to know the surrounding area hadn´t been successful yesterday and now he was hoping for better luck. Barnes noticed Tony´s glances. “We can go out again if you want. Steve has to write a report on his last mission but lucky for me, I don’t have to do this shit.” Rogers grumbled something into his coffee mug that sounded suspiciously like a Fuck you but Barnes didn´t care. He looked at Tony eagerly, his eyes smile-wide. Tony shrugged. He didn´t give a damn if it was just Barnes tagging along or both of the alphas. “Okay, great! How about we leave directly after breakfast. Steve is just going continue spoiling the mood.” Rogers scoffed but kept silent, seemingly unhappy with the arrangement. As they put on their coats Rogers lingered in the hallway reminding Barnes “not to walk so far, we don´t want Tony to get sick, all right?” After the third reminder Barnes pushed Rogers back into the house, closing the door in his face. “He acts like he is the most responsible person ever, but he has no regard for his own safety.”, he whined. Tony buried his hands in the soft pockets of his coat.   
“I really have no desire to discuss your relationship problems with you, Barnes.”  
“Ouch, are we still on last name basis?”, Barnes gave Tony a dirty look and started walking towards the forest. Tony had to quicken his pace so he could catch up with the alpha. “We´ll always be on last name basis. I don´t plan on getting comfortable with my kidnappers.”

Barnes side-eyed him. He opened his mouth as if to argue but decided against it. Tony was glad. He was not at all in the mood to argue the moral behind his kidnapping again. But Barnes was apparently in the mood for conversation. “You know, I kinda understand the point you are making. That you think of all this as a kidnapping. From a certain perspective it might seem that way. But I need you to understand that we only want the best for you.” Tony curled his hands into fists. Lucky for Barnes his hands were hidden in his pockets which was also was stopped Tony from immediately punching Barnes again for twisting the situation like that. Unaware, Barnes continued: “ I´ve met a couple of support omegas, talked to a few of ´em. They are all glad to be chosen. They care about the alpha they are helping. But I guess their situations were different. They got to know their alphas beforehand. They had time to adjust to the arrangement. And they are used to the scent of their alphas. Agent Coulson didn´t want us to start taking suppressions, you know? He wanted us to `go natural`. But we didn´t want to. Natasha, a friend of us, she´s an omega too. And she told us that our scents might be overbearing. I guess she´s right. Your scent is pretty distracting… Not in a bad way! Just different…”

Tony didn´t know what to say to that. Talking about one´s scent was intimate, not something that was done in a casual conversation. His look must have conveyed this sentiment because Barnes honest to god blushed. “Sorry. Didn´t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought you might want to know what other omegas do, in this situation.” Huh, Barnes´ idea didn´t seem like total bullshit. For once. If he told Tony more about the other kidnapped omegas than maybe he would let something slip that could help Tony on the long run. “Well? What do they do?” Barnes looked surprised but started to talk eagerly: “ Well, as we already told you, the omegas usually get to know their alphas in a normal date-like situation. When they move in, they spend a lot of time together. They cook together, they spend their free time together, they are just always around each other. That, along with casual scent marking is the main way an alpha stabilises. Then, after they have lived together for an extended time period, they sometimes go a step further. They have more body contact. They cuddle, stuff like that. Some even bond. Some remain just friends. But the omegas are always supported as much as possible. SHIELD pays when they want to study something. They get money for the time they couldn´t work.”

Tony kept silent. Sure, Barnes painted a pretty picture but that was only hearsay. There was no way for Tony to check if the other omegas were really content and safe. Barnes continued: “ Me and Steve, we met way back. We went to the same school all our lives. And we spent so much time together. I was close to his mom too. Sarah took me in after my parents passed. She was like a second mom to me. She was an omega. The strongest fucking omega I know. Although she would have hit me for using that kinda language. She was a catholic, made Steve go to church every Sunday. But she also celebrated Hanukkah with me. She worked really hard to keep me and Stevie fed but she never let us think we were a burden… She had shit luck. It´s terrible, she was such an amazing person, but she had to deal with so much shit in her life. But she never gave up. Steve was really sick as a child, so she had to pay for all these expensive procedures and drugs. But she always had a little present for us on our birthdays. She was the first person we told when me and Stevie got together. He was terrified but I was sure that Sarah wouldn´t mind. That we are an alpha-alpha couple. And she didn´t. She told us that she had always known. Not everybody reacted as amazing as her, but she always had our backs when someone was talking shit… It was real hard for us when she died. For me it was like losing my family all over again. For Steve it was even worse.”

“She sounds amazing.” Tony was surprised to hear his own voice. But it was true. Steve´s mom sounded like an incredibly strong person. In a way she reminded him of Maria. His mama, who had so much bad luck but always remained the most kind-hearted person Tony ever knew. He wondered if the two women would have got along, had they ever met. The thought made him miserable because he could really imagine the two women supporting each other, yet they would never meet. “My mother always wanted to work. Howard, my father, wouldn´t allow it. He said that it was her duty to stay at home, take care of the house, all that shit. She always seemed happy around me, never made me question her love for me. But now, looking back, I realise that she always dreamed of being more. Of being important and of changing something. She was really enthusiastic about everything. She would invest so much energy in things like Christmas parties or simple get-togethers with Howards friends. I think she just wanted to be seen as something more than a housewife, she wanted to prove she could work like everyone else, even if it was just through organising a party. Howard never appreciated her. She was just a tool for him, something he could use to make his one life easier. I think that he must have loved her, in the beginning. Or at least he played that part convincingly. She wasn´t stupid. She never would have got together with him if he had been an asshole from the beginning. He must have changed over time. And by then it must have been to late for her to get out. They already bought a house together. They shared all their finances. They already had me. It was like a ton of weight, holding her back from leaving. It´s like that thing, where you put a frog in cold water and then boil it. It won´t jump out. Just waits till it dies. Maybe she would have gotten out if it wasn´t for me. Maybe she just needed a few more month, just until I was old enough, so she could leave. That´s what I keep asking myself. Howard killed her two years ago. If it wasn´t for me then perhaps she would have gotten out.”

Barnes looked at him for a long moment. “They tell you that you shouldn´t think like that, didn´t they? Everybody you told about that?” Tony nodded miserably. He had no idea why he was even telling Barnes all these things. After his mama had died, he had talked to a few people, mostly family friends. All of them told him that he shouldn´t blame himself. But it hadn´t helped. So, he just stayed silent and dealt with his grief on his own. Maybe it just had kept growing inside of him and now it was all spilling over. Barnes continued:” It´s all bullshit. That you shouldn´t blame yourself. And I don´t mean that you should. I just mean that they all acted like you are too stupid to know that it isn´t your fault. I know it wasn´t my fault that I survived and others didn´t. But at the same time, I don´t know. They have all these fancy words for it and it´s all true. But they don´t realise that we already know.”

“You said yesterday you were taken prisoner…?” Ton left the sentence open. “Yeah. They wanted me to work for them. I didn´t. During our training they put us through a lot of shit. Hiking trough the wilderness with no food and barely any sleep. Yelling at us. Making us stand in freezing water until our toes were blue. We thought we were prepared. But it´s so different when it´s not training. Because then you are alone. There is nobody to encourage you to push just a little bit more. To just keep holding on a little bit more. And I tried to stay positive. I kept reminding myself that SHIELD would come for me. In the beginning I even tried to get information that would be useful for SHIELD. But they didn´t come. And after weeks and weeks of torture, of barely any food, of next to no sleep, I just couldn´t do it anymore. I started to become weak. I started to negotiate. Small favours for just a bit more food. Information for a little more sleep. I started to break. But it wasn´t quick enough for them. They brainwashed me. They put electricity through my brain. I remember the first time after they turned the machine on, I didn´t immediately register the pain. I thought there were bees in the room because the machine hummed like a dozen of them. I didn´t like bees before but now I´m terrified of them. 

After they got me out, I was really confused. The psychologist had really specific terms for it, they say I have dissociative identity disorder. It means that during my time in captivity my brain just couldn´t deal with it anymore. So, it just pressed pause and let some other part of me take the steering wheel. It´s probably a combination of trauma and the brain washing. I don´t know… But in the first months after Steve rescued me, I was unpredictable. I was lashing out left and right. Sometimes I thought I was back there, then I would be terrified of Steve. I would beg him not to hurt me. He never told me, but I could see how hard it was on him. Sometimes, I couldn´t remember my own name. I started to write it in my palm every day. When I took a shower there had to be a pen right when I left the shower so that I could immediately write my name again. I can´t even begin to talk about how losing my arm fucked me up even more. My left arm would hurt so bad but when I reached over to massage it, I just grabbed empty air. And after I started to understand what had happened to me, I started to feel so fucking guilty. SHIELD had trained me so well. They had chosen me because I was the best. And I still fucked up. I revealed important information just for a piece of bread and an hour more sleep. It seemed so pathetic to me afterwards. I seemed so pathetic. For a long time, I felt like it would have been better for everybody if they had just left me in that cell to rot.”

“Do you still feel this way?”

“Sometimes, yes. I´m sorry Tony, I didn´t mean to unload all of this on you. You can tell me to shut up every time. I´m not asking for your compassion or anything. I don´t even now why I told you all of this.”

“Because I asked you to.”

“That´s true, I suppose. I´m still sorry.”

“You don´t have to be. And for what it´s worth, I kinda glad you didn´t die in that cell.”

They had reached the cabin again. Tony hadn´t even realised they had been making their way back, he had been to wrapped up in Barnes´ story. Barnes had his key in his hand but he didn´t move to open the door. When Tony looked up at him questioningly, Barnes had a strange look on his face. But before Tony could ask, Barnes shook his head and unlocked the door. Steve smiled at them from where he was seated at the kitchen table, but Tony ignored him, making his way up to his room without even taking of his coat. A thousand thoughts were rushing through his head by the time he reached his room. What the hell had he been thinking? Talking to Barnes like that? Listening to his story? Encouraging him to talk? What was going on with him? Feeling nauseous he sunk onto his bed. For a brief moment he had done the most stupid thing a kidnapped person could do: Forget that they were kidnapped. He had felt at ease around Barnes. For the first time in what felt like an eternity he had felt like there was someone he could talk to. Tony rubbed his hands over his eyes furiously. How could he have been so stupid. And Barnes had known what he had been doing. Webbing Tony up, making him feel valued and trusted. A hot shiver ran over Tony´s back. Frantically he pulled on the coat. It was suffocating him! It was too tight, he couldn´t breathe! He had to get it off! Only the sound of fabric ripping brought him back to reality, like being thrown into an ice cold like. 

Incredulously he looked at the coat in his arms. The sturdy fabric had ripped under his desperate fingers. He almost felt like laughing. Was that even possible? How had he had enough strength to rip a thick winter jacket. But the gash was there. The fabric had given in where the left arm met the torso. White filling was spilling out, looking like a cloud that had been freed. Tony felt his heart fall down into his stomach. His body was empty, there was just his heart rattling around inside of him as if someone had put the smallest matryoshka doll inside the biggest. Rogers and Barnes would punish him for it. They had given him the coat and he had damaged it. And they were so much stronger than he was. So much stronger than Howard had been. It would hurt so much more. Rubbing his fingers over the broken fabric Tony felt unbelievably stupid. What had he been thinking? Acting like an idiot around Barnes. Even worse, inviting him in for conversation. If there was one thing that Tony knew for sure it was that when you gave alphas the little finger, they would take the whole arm. And now Tony had made it even worse. In a fit of rage, he threw the coat across the room. Shaking he curled up under his sheets and pressed his hand over his mouth. The nausea was still there, moving through his body like waves. And Tony realised that the worst part of all this was that he had actually enjoyed his walk with Barnes. It was that thought that made the tears spill over his cheeks. Howard had been right. He was just a pathetic little omega, so starved for attention that he would take it from whoever offered it to him. Even if that someone was his kidnapper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bitch. I bet you thought you´d seen the last of me.  
> Yes, I´m not dead and neither is this story. I´m currently working full time and I try to squeeze writing in as much as possible. Please excuse the late update, but I promise that I´ll keep updating. That being said I had some problems with this chapter and I´m not entirely happy with it, so please give constructive criticism. Also comments are like crack to me and I appreciated every single one of them!

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: Someone once yelled at me and my co-worker because there where too many cheese options. Locking back, it´s kind of funny but also very confusing. Anyway that´s my experience working in costumer service and I thought Tony should experience it as well.  
> I have already figured out what most of the plot is going to be, but if you have any suggestions or requests, please let me know. Also, please note that english is not my first language, all mistakes are my own.


End file.
